My supervisor who has returned from her 3-month maternity leave was just chatting with me about my future career plans. and then she lamented that bringing up a child is not easy. I replied that bringing up a child is not just about how well the child does academically. She sighed yes, but if her children can grow up to be like me she would already be happy.
And at that my heart was full of guilt and I felt like crying cos in my mind i thought - erms if you know how horrible a daughter i am you wouldn't say that...
sigggh. time and time again i reflect upon this issue. it's been years! yet im still so bad. :(
By Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project via DivineCaroline
A few days ago, I was extremely upset. It’s too complicated to explain the whole situation, but an encounter left me feeling anxious, agitated, under attack, and sad. I did what I could to resolve the situation, but I still felt terrible.
When I have a day like this, I try to make it a Good Bad Day. I take the steps that tend to make me feel better or, if they don’t make me feel better, at least give me the kind of day on which I can look back with satisfaction.
To have a Good Bad Day, I make sure to:
1. Exercise. For me, exercise is a key element to managing my moods. It calms me and energizes me at the same time. Its rituals are comforting. It’s productive, but not intellectually or socially demanding. Also, exercise is so obviously a key to good health that if I manage to exercise, I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile in my day, no matter what else happens.
2. Do something nice for someone else. The first part of the Second Splendid Truth is “One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy” (also known as the “Do good, feel good” provision). I sent out some emails that I knew would be useful for other people. It doesn’t sound like much, but it took a lot out of me.
3. Stop ruminating. My inclination was to go over and over the details of the upsetting episode and to conduct imaginary arguments. Instead, I tried to keep my resolution to find an area of refuge. Studies show that dwelling on negative thoughts amplifies their power in your mind. In fact, some researchers suggest that the reason more women suffer depression than men is that women are more likely to “over think,” while men are better at distracting themselves from negative thoughts.
4. Connect with someone important to me. I called my sister.
5. Tackle a nagging task. Crossing things off a to-do list is energizing and cheering. I took the time to clear my desk—not just physically removing piles of papers, but also doing the tasks that the papers represented. Copying research notes from various sources, making a dentist’s appointment, and making progress on my blog redesign gave me a feeling of control and accomplishment.
6. Do something silly and lighthearted with my children. I videotaped my four-year-old as she danced and sang in her mermaid costume with her new mermaid doll, and we had a family bubble-blowing extravaganza. And throughout all these steps, I tried to …
7. Act the way I want to feel. Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. I get worked up very easily, but I tried to act cheerful instead of allowing myself to get agitated, wring my hands, etc. My mother often reminds me, “Stay calm,” and I need that advice frequently.
8. Ask for help. I said to my husband, “I really need to talk to you. I’m really upset, I want to tell you what happened today and talk to you about it, okay?” Being a sympathetic listener isn’t my husband’s strongest point, and truth be told, he wasn’t very comforting, but I think that by explaining that I needed him to try to do his best to help, I did help him do the best he could.
But nothing really worked. I still felt lousy. So I made sure to …
9. Go to sleep early. It’s true, everything does look better in the morning. Also, the longer I work on my happiness project, the more importance I give to sleep. Getting enough sleep just makes a tremendous difference to happiness.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt better. The situation still upsets me, but not as much as it did. When I have a bad day, it helps to have a good bad day.
"... forget stupid worries, forgive old wrongs, and appreciate the true glory of living much more."
"Happiness is not the absence of a sense of our mortality but living with that reality."
"Happiness is not the absence of pain but accepting the pain as part of life that occurs at every age and every circumstance."
Lesson 11
"... it is especially important to laugh when things are not going the way we imagine they would."
"Jonathan's natural ability to laugh at life with pure joy and lack of fear taught me an important lesson: that it is crucial not to let serious concerns keep you from experiencing the miracle of every unfolding moment."
"When you get such a chance, spend as much time with the young as you can. Their delight in life is a reminder of the wonder we can all feel. At every age!"
1.Do at least one thing every day that makes you smile. Maybe it’s visiting the pet store, going to a matinee, reading poetry out loud, or listening to the wind chimes on a blustery day. If you have no clue about what makes you smile, put a basket in any high traffic area in your home. Whenever something happens that makes you smile, jot it down on a piece of paper and drop it in the basket. After a week or two, empty the basket and you’ll be surprised by the things that bring you joy.
2.Stop taking everything so personally.Sometimes it’s just not about you! How often do you interpret other’s comments or actions personally and make them about you? When you see your neighbor at the grocery store and she walks by without saying hello, do you assume:
I did something wrong.
I’m not good enough for her.
She’s ignoring me because I didn’t invite her son to little Billy’s b-day party.
If the answer is any one of the above, try reinterpreting her behavior. For example, is it possible that your neighbor:
Was focused on picking artichokes and she just didn’t see you.
Was just in a car accident and is trying to shake it off.
Just realized she’s turning fifty next week and has to schedule her first colonoscopy.
Do your interpretations create a feeling of peace or stress? If the answer is stress, create a new story to explain her behavior that you feel good about. The bottom line is you really have no idea what is going on with your neighbor, so why not choose a meaning that makes you feel good?
3. Evaluate your “to do” list. Make a list of ten things you have to do this week. Next perform what I call a body scan. Notice how your body responds when you imagine doing each of these things on your list. Does your body feel tense? Do you feel a pit in your stomach? Focus on the task that brings up the most pain, and ask yourself why you are planning to do this thing that causes you to feel anxious or stressed. If the answer is “I have to,” then you set yourself up to be in a completely helpless position. There are no alternatives when you operate from that principle. If the answer is “I choose to do it because if I don’t it would be morally repulsive,” you come from a more powerful place and one of choice.
4. Show your gratitude, it will change your attitude.Each night before bed time, write down five things that happened in your day for which you are most grateful.It could be as simple as “I woke up today” or “my roses are in bloom.” Don’t think it, write it down. When you put pen to paper it makes an imprint on your brain and it will resonate more deeply within you. Start a Gratitude Journal and I guarantee that your “joy” meter will rise.
5. Give unto others. One year ago, my family and I became involved in a homeless organization. We spend one Sunday each month feeding the homeless who patiently stand in line waiting for a free meal. My kids and I listen to heart wrenching stories about how these individuals lost their jobs, their relationships and ultimately their homes. Surprisingly, my problems, which seemed so large only an hour earlier, felt quite small in comparison. Giving to others puts things in perspective and reinforces feelings of appreciation and gratitude.
6. Laugh at least twice a day. Stop taking what your spouse says so seriously and add a dose of humor. Sometimes when my husband and I are arguing, I will tell a joke or make a silly face. We inevitably break out into belly laughter and it makes us realize how ridiculous we sound. It’s amazing how humor can add levity to a serious situation. I will also call my funniest friend and we giggle about how often we forget where we parked our cars and how many times we’ve repeated a story to one another. If you can’t muster up joy from poking fun at yourself, turn on the comedy channel. Laughter is truly medicinal.
7. Put your oxygen mask on first then assist your child with theirs. When you put your mask on first, you are teaching your child that it is essential, even life saving, to first take care of yourself before you can tend to others. Do you sacrifice everything for your children, including yourself? Do you avoid taking the flower arranging class one night a week or seeing your college roommate for dinner because you’re afraid your children might need you? And, what if they did? Maybe your being gone once in awhile would require your children to be more independent and resourceful. Show your child that taking care of you is the best gift you can give to yourself and be the example.
8. Make your resolutions but take one turtle step at a time. Why do you think very few people succeed in achieving their New Year’s resolutions? It’s admirable to say you want to clean up the clutter in your home, however, the task can feel daunting and overwhelming. When goals become lofty, we often lose steam and our commitment wanes. Instead of saying “I’m going to clean out my entire apartment,” say “I’m going to clean out one drawer in my kitchen today.” Breaking down goals into small, manageable steps feels less stressful and more attainable. Before you know it, you may have cleared your clutter… one turtle step at a time.
9. Learn to say “No.” Most women I coach say they never have any time to themselves and even if they knew what brought them joy they wouldn’t have time for it. Why is that? Are you in default mode, saying yes without thinking about the ramifications of being the President of the PTA? Although you may feel flattered that someone nominated you for the role, stop and think how it will impact you and your life. When someone asks you to do something, whether it’s babysitting their kids on a Saturday night or coordinating a fund-raiser, tell them you need a couple of days to think it over. Then, ask yourself if your best friend came to you and solicited your advice about whether or not to take on this position, what would you say to her? However you respond, turn it around to yourself and you’ll have your answer.
10. Stay in your own business.Have you ever made a remark that resembles “I would be happier if my husband would listen to me,” or “If my son tried harder in school I wouldn’t have to worry so much?” Each time you make someone else responsible for how you feel, you are, in effect, arguing with reality. When you mentally argue with “what is,” you suffer and the situation becomes hopeless. It means you are eternally in the role of victim because your happiness is contingent upon how other’s behave. They essentially become your hostages. Next time you feel stressed or in pain, write down your thoughts and watch for whose business you’re in.
Increasing the joy in your life is really very simple. First, you must decide that having more joy is important and worthwhile. Often this decision will lead you to inspired action.
Other times, you will still feel as stuck as a pantry flea on a glue trap. This is how I feel about my writing. Writing is important to me but I don’t always feel motivated to sit down and do it. Because I know this about myself, I create small, manageable steps for my writing. I give myself just fifteen minutes to write everyday. No more no less. This propels me to sit down at my computer because it feels easy and doable. I suggest you do the same for creating more joy in your life. Pick one thing from the list above and do the required action. Only one. Not two or three. You may be surprised to find that just one step is all that is required to build your reservoir of joy.
Do you expect nothing but the best from yourself? Well, you are not alone. As someone who’s highly committed to personal excellence and growth, my motto in life is to ‘be my best self and live my best life.’ I strive to uphold this motto every single day. In doing so, I have adopted ten simple principles which help me stay on track:
Follow Your Heart
Follow your passion. Life’s too short to spend it doing something you don’t love. When I made the decision to leave my brand management career last year, I faced varying levels of resistance from people all around me - my parents, friends, managers, colleagues, mentors, etc. Some thought I went crazy. Some thought I was undergoing a strange life-phase. Some thought it was a waste to give up a Fortune 100 career with excellent prospects and a sizable paycheck. And others thought I was just being rash and wasn’t thinking things through.
If what you are doing now is not your passion,then you have nothing to lose.
The truth is, it was a decision two years in the making. I had already discovered my passion before I graduated from college. After two years of working, I had reached the point where every day I spent at my job was making me unhappy. And I knew I could be doing something I really loved instead. So I quit my job to pursue my passion, and I haven’t looked back since.
Today, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, pursuing my passion in full throttle - touching lives through my personal development blog, coaching people and speaking at related events. The story doesn’t end here either - I have huge plans in the future to transform even more lives and I can’t wait to make this a reality. Now that I’m in full control of me, there are no limits at all to what can be done!
So what’s your passion? What are your goals and dreams? If you absolutely knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do with your life? To aid your goal achievement process, check out my seven-part goal achievement series.
Prioritize and Focus
One of my core values is excellence, and I believe a key component of excellence is focus. I ensure that everything I do has a single-minded focus - it starts off first with my purpose in life, laddering down to my life goals, then my long-term goals, my short-term goals, and finally down to my daily tasks. One of the tools which helps keep me focused is my life handbook. It’s a life manual I created back in 2007 that contains my purpose, vision, goals, strategies, and specific plans to keep me on track. It has served me tremendously over the years.
I’m also a strong advocate of the 80-20 rule - where 20% of the causes lead to 80% of the effects. Many outcomes in life are attributable to a few small actions, and once we get all those key actions right, we will gain phenomenal results. Thus, I’m always looking out for the most critical factors that require my attention. Once I identify them, I put forth my best effort to conquer them. As for the remaining factors, I either do them with lesser attention, delegate them out to others, or outsource the work. So in summary, I make sure that the things I spend my time doing are the things that have the most impact.
Look on the Positive Side
Probably cliché, but true nonetheless, you must stay positive. You can look at a half-filled glass from multiple perspectives. If you are positive, you will cheer at how the glass is half-full. If you are negative, you will sigh and resign at the half-empty portion of the glass. If you are a realist, you will simply see the glass as a glass.
At the end of the day, what you are faced with is simply the way it is. Everything else is your own perspective. Focus on the negative side of the situation, and you will be mired in negativity. Focus on the positive upside, and you will gain a positive outlook which will improve your experience and quality of life, giving you the momentum to move onward and upward.
Place Yourself in the Face of Uncertainty
Uncertainty is my compass towards growth. Whenever I’m faced with something that makes me feel uncomfortable or uncertain, it’s an indicator that there are growth opportunities inside me. In fact, the more uncertain I feel, the more it signifies the possibility for growth.
If I feel uncertain about a particular topic I’m writing about, it means I need to learn more about this topic before I continue writing. If I feel uncertain about a circumstance, it means I need to learn how to deal with it. It has become a natural reaction for me to explore feelings of uncertainty inside of me as they arise, work on them, and then emerge with an increased level of self-awareness.
Are you putting yourself in the face of uncertainty? Or are you snuggled away in your comfort zone? Personal growth only occurs when you are faced with an unprecedented situation that forces you to expand your comfort boundaries.
Think and Reflect
Introspection is pretty much my staple hobby. If there’s anything I’m grateful for, it’s the ability to think freely. Being able to think and reflect on our lives is a gift. Whenever you reflect on your own thoughts and actions, you gain a greater sense of clarity about yourself and the world around you.
Think about the things that make you happy and the things that make you sad. Why do these things make you feel the way they do? Think carefully when you answer these questions, and get comfortable with your answers.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be thinking 24/7. Sometimes, detaching yourself from the reality and becoming an observer (through meditation, another one of my favorite hobbies) is needed as well.
Detach Yourself
There is nothing permanent in this world. Money, material possessions, success, circumstances, and people – each of these enter and leave our lives continuously. Thus, there is no reason to attach yourself to whatever you see. This includes the outcome of different situations.
If there is something happy in your life, relish in it, enjoy it, but don’t develop an unhealthy craving towards it.If there is something unhappy in your life, experience the emotion and smile at it at the same time, knowing that nothing is permanent and that this situation will dissipate in time.
Many of life’s disappointments and miseries come from attaching yourself to particular outcomes. When you realize that nothing is permanent and all that you see will be gone soon, then feelings of unhappiness and fear tend to dissipate.
Concentrate on Actionable Steps
Don’t waste your time on things that you cannot change. I generally classify things you cannot change into 2 categories - (1) The past (2) Other people. This means that you should focus on effecting the present, so you can shape the future and progress your wellbeing.
Harping on things that cannot be changed is just a waste of your time and energy. If something happened in the past that upset you, focus on what can be done to alleviate the situation in the future. If people are annoying you, focus on what you can act on to remove the annoyance.
There was a time at my previous job where I faced a difficult series of challenges. I became somewhat jaded and fell into a self-victimizing mode. After a short period of doing this, I just felt sick of it - the negativity, the inaction, everything. That’s when I realized that no matter what the circumstances are, or how tough they may appear, there are always actionable steps I can take to change the situation.
For whatever challenge you may be facing in life now, think in terms of actionable steps. What can you do in this situation? How can you act to move yourself closer to where you want to be? Check Marc’s excellent post 28 Ways to Slay the Delay to learn more about taking action.
Keep the Momentum Alive
Most people often spend copious amount of time thinking about things and planning things, but then defer the action stage perpetually. They justify themselves into inaction, citing reasons such as wanting to avoid failure. It’s a total cop-out. Here’s another favorite quote of mine:
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.-Will Rogers.
It is by taking action and receiving feedback from this action that we expand our horizons. By constantly acting and moving, you are automatically gaining more knowledge just by virtue of the response you are receiving from your interactions with the world around you. Remember, information won’t walk up to you on its own. You have to go get it.
Learn From the Best
Many of the things you want to know have already been experienced firsthand by others. I have found that I can achieve so much more by studying what others have already done. Then I can build upon the knowledge I gain from them. In the process, I keep the best practices and remove everything else.
This doesn’t mean that you stop experiencing new things for yourself. It just means you aren’t reinventing the wheel a hundred times over. It’s a simple way to avoid making the mistakes others have already made. This cuts down the learning curve by a whole lot and gives you much better results in a much shorter timeframe.
In summary:
Surround yourself with great people. As Jim Rohn puts it, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Study the best practices of the people who are succeeding in subjects you would like to pursue.
Help Others
I used to be quite a selfish person, keeping everything, including my knowledge, for myself. I had heard many talk about the benefits that come from contribution and giving, but I could never comprehend them until I gave it a try. In the past year after I left my day job, I have dedicated myself to serving others and helping others live their best life. It has been the most incredible and meaningful year of my life yet, and I just know there’s so much more to come.
When you help others, you not only help them grow, but you also grow yourself. Your generosity opens the floodgates to an abundance of love and resources that flow between everyone involved.
For example, I spend many hours every day working on my personal development blog and writing free articles for others. While I receive no direct monetary benefit for what I write, the universe pays me back indirectly - in terms of media coverage from journalists who heard about my blog and my story, speaking engagements by organizations which heard about me through word of mouth, coaching sign-ups from people who want to enlist my help in achieving their dreams, love from readers who have benefited from my writings, and much more.
Of course, the motivation to give should come from an unadulterated desire to want to give and contribute, and not for the benefits that follow. The joy of giving comes from giving itself; the other perks are just a bonus.
Conclusion
Apply these ten principles into your life, and I promise you’ll start seeing positive results. Please stay in touch and let me know how they work out for you. ;)
I’ve always been passionate about living a life of excellence. Setting goals, overcoming challenges, getting results, celebrating the victories - these make living so rich and worthwhile.
When I was in college I was on the Dean’s List - an honorary roll awarded only to top students - in every academic year I was there. When I graduated I was selected from over 1,000 applicants to enter a Fortune 100 company - one of the top 100 companies in the world recognized by Fortune. Then when I quit to pursue my passion a year and a half ago, I started The Personal Excellence Blog to share my best advice to achieve excellence in life.
In the last year and a half I also founded my training school where I coach and train others to achieve excellence. Life has never been more rewarding. That being said, I have determined that excellence itself is a way of life, not a destination. While I’ve made some accomplishments, I’m nowhere near where I envision myself to be in the future. There’s always room for personal growth. Our potential is limitless, and it’s up to us to tap into it.
Here are my top 30 ways to live a life of excellence:
Discover your purpose. – Our physical life started when we were born. Our real life starts when we discover our purpose. What is your purpose? What is your mission statement for your life? Mine is, “To touch others’ lives, help them achieve their highest potential and live their best lives.” This one statement gives me clarity and focus on what to do, from my daily plans to my long-term goals.
Follow your passion. – To do what you love is truly the only way to live. Don’t just pursue as a hobby; turn it into your career. I didn’t use to be a personal development blogger or a coach. I was a marketing major and I was working in brand management as a career. However, it wasn’t my passion. So a year and a half ago, I quit my regular job to pursue my real passion. Despite having no experience in the personal development industry, I slowly carved my niche in this area and established myself and my expertise. Today I’m pursuing my passion as a career, and loving it.
Set your goals. – If you can have whatever you want, what would you like? What are your biggest goals and dreams? Set them. The life I’m living today is a result of goals I set in the past. If you don’t set any goals, it’s safe to say that you’ll be running in place for the foreseeable future. Is that what you want?
Create a life handbook. – A life handbook is a concept I created where you have a book to write your life purpose, goals, dreams, plans, values, mottos, and other things that are important to you as you pursue your best life. I started my life handbook in 2007 and it has been my #1 tool to living my life to the fullest. Learn more about my life handbook and how to create yours.
Have the right mindset. – The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts. If you think life sucks, life will indeed suck. On the other hand, if you are set to live your best life, the paths will open up in front of you. Maybe it’s all the ‘good triumphing over evil’ RPGs I’ve played since young, but I firmly believe that where there’s a will, there’s a way. No one can stop you if you have the right mindset.
Create your bucket list. – A bucket list is a list of things to do before you die. All of us are going to die one day. What are all the things you want to do/see/say/experience before you die? It can be seeing the world, living your dreams, going skydiving, falling in love, among countless others. I created my bucket list last year with over 100 things, and every day I accomplish what’s on it and add new things I want to do. Here’s a list of 101 Things To Do Before You Die for ideas on what to put in your bucket list.
Get mentors. – You have dreams and big visions, and there are people who have likely been there and done that. Get them to mentor you. It’ll definitely cut down the learning curve and ease your journey. With a mentor, you can unlock your potential and achieve so much more.
Stop worrying so much. – The majority of our fears exist only in our head. Get rid of them and spend the energy on something productive.
Get closer with your parents. – Many of us only have functional relationships with our family. Some of us might even have estranged family relationships. I know I used to have that, then I realized it was foolish. Our parents went through a lot of hardship by bringing us up, and no one’s ever going to share a connection to us the way they do. Today I’m much closer to my parents than I was in the past, and I’m grateful for that.
Let go of negative friendships. – If you have friends who discourage you and pull you down, it’s time to get rid of them. Getting rid might be too harsh for some, so distancing is a good alternative. I had several negative friends in the past, then I just reduced contact. Instead of wasting time and energy resisting them, I was then able to focus my energy on people and things that make me happy.
Surround yourself with positive people. – Do you know you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with? Your attitudes, beliefs, accomplishments and success are a function of the people you spend time around. Think about the people who inspire you and spend more time with them. You’ll be amazed at the effects they’ll have on you.
Release your limits. – They say the sky is the limit. I disagree. We are our own limits. It’s then about releasing our limits so we can live our best lives. What are you limiting yourself from doing? Stop holding yourself back. Go out and get what you want.
Believe in yourself. – The majority of the times I’ve been able to achieve something is because I started out believing I could do it, rather than acquiring that belief after I achieved it. If I didn’t think I could do it, I probably would never have succeeded. My past experiences have taught me that all you need to have in order to succeed is to have a sense of self-belief - a sense that you can control your own future. That’s all.
Wake up early. – I used to wake up late every day, like 9-10am. I never thought much about waking up early until a couple of years ago. After I switched to waking early at 5am, my days have been incredible. I feel more productive, I get more done, I’m more eager to work to keep the momentum going. It’s something you have to try yourself to know the difference.
Eat a healthy diet. – A healthy diet just-starts a life of excellence. What’s in your daily diet? Junk? Fast food? Fried food? Or healthy, nutritious food? Fruits? Vegetables? I’ve been a vegan since 2008 and have been loving it. While I tried it out as just a 30-day trial, I immediately saw the benefits of being a vegan and stayed the course ever since. Also read: 9 Timeless Nutrition Tips for Any Age
Exercise regularly. – Aside from a regular gym routine, try other sports to spice it up your workouts. Frisbee, badminton and swimming are some of my favorite sports. These make exercising a lot more fun.
Plan your days. – Do you plan your days? Did you wake up today knowing what you are supposed to do today? If not, maybe it’s time you do. Planning doesn’t have to be long and tedious, it can just be a 30 second process. Every night, think about a few small things that you want to accomplish tomorrow and write them down. When you wake up the next morning, review this list before you do anything else.
Nurture those whom you love. – The magical feeling of love. The fluttering of your heart. The internal smile you get when you think of those who you care for most. It’s impossible to live a life of excellence without sharing quality time with those whom you love.
Try something new. – Routines stagnate us. New experiences help us grow and they make life interesting. Make an effort to try something new every week. I get very invigorated whenever I’m doing something new. It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.
Stop watching TV. – Why stop watching TV? The bulk of content on TV is consciousness lowering. TV has been proven by research to be linked with lower life satisfaction. TV ads motivate you spend more money frivolously. TV wastes lots and lots of time. I could go on forever. I quit regular TV watching almost 5 years ago and never looked back. I recently wrote an article on my blog called 10 Reasons To Stop Watching TV and found out a good number of my readers dropped TV in their lives as well. Try it out for 21-days and see how you feel. Be sure to read: Top 10 Reasons You Should Stop Watching TV and 40 Positive Effects of a TV Free Week.
Stop obsessing over the news. – A lot of news today resonates with fear, guilt, shame and hate. Depending on your news source, many are largely sensationalized and biased as well. You don’t need to watch the news every day for an hour to know that there are car accidents, murders and wars out there. Focus your energy on how you can address those problems instead.
Don’t be trapped by dogma. – Don’t feel compelled to follow others all the time. Pave your own path. Follow your heart. Don’t fall into the trap of operating on everyone’s whim. Listening is okay, but doing what everyone wants is simply unhealthy. Execute the good feedback and follow your vision.
Be compassionate. – Show love and kindness to all the people around you. Respect everyone. They may not react in a kind way immediately, but they will notice and appreciate your kindness. To love is to be human.
Smile more. – It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So let’s smile more often. :D
Criticize less, appreciate more. – Do you like overly critical people? I’m sure you don’t. They are a dread to be around. So let’s be less critical. Don’t stare so hard at what’s missing. Learn to see and appreciate what’s there instead.
Keep a journal to self-reflect. – I had a paper journal for several years, but after I started The Personal Excellence Blog I use the blog as my journal. By having a place to freely let out our thoughts and ponder over them, we get a lot more clarity about ourselves. If you are not sure where to start with, try 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, 20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday and check out the new site Thought Questions.
Forgive those who hurt you. – To forgive is to let go of a prisoner and to realize that the prisoner all along was you. Don’t hold on to past hatred. Let it go. You’ll find new, wonderful things entering your life once you do.
Coach someone. – There’s no better way to learn than to teach others. Is there someone who can benefit from your help? Offer to coach them for free. It’ll be an enlightening experience for both of you.
Meet new people. – Most humans have a habit of stagnating in a small circle of friends. But it doesn’t help us grow. Get out there and meet new people. You’ll be surprised at the lessons they will teach you and the new opportunities they will inject into your life.
In case you can’t get enough, here are some related posts:
Michel de Montaigne (French Philosopher and Writer 1533-1592)
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.)
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” Mignon McLaughlin quotes (American Journalist and Author, 1913-1983)
“When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory.” Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.)
“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up” Ogden Nash quotes (American Writer of humorous poetry who won a large following for his audacious verse. 1902-1971)
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” Tom Mullen
“Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person”
“For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, "This is me. I'm not proud of it -- in fact, I'm a little embarrassed by it -- but this is who I am."” Bill Hybels
“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” Zig Ziglar (American motivational Speaker and Author. )
“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” Gillian Anderson quotes (American Actress (Dana Sculley-X Files), b.1968) Character: Special Agent Dana Scully quotes. Movie: The X-Files quotes
“The formula for a happy marriage? It's the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it” Jay Trachman
Yesterday I was at the rental shop to check out a movie and I saw this movie that I had watched on the plane back from Korea. And I remembered that I had wanted to get quotes down cos it was a really good inspirational movie. And I knew being me I would forgot the whole story real soon.
Minister of Sport: According to the experts, we'll reach the quarter-finals, and no further. Nelson Mandela: According to the experts, you and I should still be in jail.
Brenda Mazibuko: You're risking your political capital, you're risking your future as our leader. Nelson Mandela: The day I am afraid to do that is the day I am no longer fit to lead.
your company won't take care of you if you don't care for yourself
my heart aches for my manager. she's flying off on a biz trip to NZ tonight. 910pm flight. yet just within the first hour of work today i hear how much work she still has to attend to. 10am meeting. 11am evaluation session. then another colleague comes to talk to her about sth. and she has to attend to that today too. and yet another colleague comes with ANOTHER one from another department to talk to her about another issue.
the reason why my heart aches is that i hear not only her workload but also her coughing. it sounds really bad. and it has been on going for WEEKS. she has seen her doctor don't know how many times. but she hasn't taken time off to rest proper. and she just visited her doctor again yesterday, not to get medication to get well but to get medication to suppress her cough on the flight...
it's not that she's a pure workaholic who doesn't know to enjoy life...she's just too responsible for her own good :(
let me quote my sms to a that summarises the earlier part of why. "Heyy a! Haha smsing cos im just too gancheong to convey gratitude for your acknowledgement tt you benefited well from my email cos i noticed im feeling a sense of joy from within tt i haven't had for quite awhile :) thanks so much! (lol save money don't reply!)"
this was sent a few hours after i read this (part of a's email):
"one thing i must tell u, it was a wonderful email, and i feel really inspired after that. it's like u have taught me so many things, and gave me so many things to reflect and ponder upon, in just this one email. thanks so much. i really appreciate you having such a friend.. and even u..as a much newer christian than me.. can teach me so much about God. "
and part of my email reply: "ooo i haven't inspired anyone in a longgg time. the pleasure is mine :D i think the last time was like in year 1 for wl. and since then i thought i lost my inspirational capabilities alr lol cos nobody seems to appreciate what i tell them hah"
and then i received an sms from my jogging buddy ky that ys would be coming on sunday for laur's birthday lunch and the short sms exchange just managed to add on to my happiness, with having ky back from a 3-week away in a dangerous land and being able to communicate with her
and then i came home and viewed the korea trip photos mf uploaded and had fun spamming comments on her photos and getting quick replies. and im thankful that i've made a good friend out of someone who's not going on to honours year cos somehow i just can't rid of the idea that those others who were going on to honours year were only actively maintaining friendship with one another... like for academic reasons.. erppps i know im thinking too much again... :X
blahs it's 12mn now and i haven't finish my this "happy" post... and im rather sad now.
okayss i shall try to finish up quickly...
and i was happy to receive a continuation reply that started with a sudden sms in the afternoon from an old friend jy.
and happy to receive an sms reply from a in spite of me having said to not waste money (cos a is overseas)
and i was even happier (this was more of external joy as compared to the joy from within earlier) when jj updated me about something that allowed me to claim my win for a bet that we had.
haha okayss recalling the bet is making me happy again. lol. what mood swing :/ and i used to find myself not having mood swings.
subsequently my mood went down when jj refused to complete the full bet with reasons i do not agree with but i gave in out of fear of agitating jj, which is totally a silly thing to do. i mean jj has been so nice to me why should i hurt the friendship over a bet. and an issue that doesn't exactly involve me. anyways the mood went down cos i knew i already was bordering on the line and i had to pull back before i stepped over the line. jj's past reactions when i had unknowingly rushed and stepped over the line had traumatised me. haha. sounds silly but it was true.
ah. i just realised im talking about super personal stuff on a public space that any random stalker can read. oh wellsss. i've been doing this for so many years alr lol. and i shall admit every once-close or currently-close friendship i had or have is like the biggest priority in my life now. and actually since the beginning of IA last dec.
yeps another once-close friendship appeared which pushed down my mood. that had been a great disappointment and is still at a highly uncertain stage =/
then jj told me about some exchange between jj and another person i know which made me go ekkkkk. i shan't comment further but it just managed to bring my mood down yet another level with such a negative impression i had gotten from the knowledge of the contents of the exchange. im seeing this other person again still and this other person seemed decent enough yet...
oh wells. tomorrow will be a happy day! i will make it so! starting from now! lol.. oh yar cos i was happy that i had been a useful friend doing some inspirational work, i had the motivation to start on prep for choice of fyp today (:
oh and sth from yest. i talked to my lost jj on msn! haven't talked to my lost jj for soooo long. and it felt good to be back in contact. and as always her replies came really fast (: despite scoring a disappointingly low 3.36 for year3 sem1, if i were to choose again i would have still spent all that time going out with my friends, new and old.
goshhh. 1247am. i have another realisation. i have become SO reliant on virtual forms of communication :( "email" "sms" "fb" "msn". that's all the forms of communication i had that managed to affect my mood so much! and to think just several weeks back i was missing the riddance of such forms of communication that i got to enjoy pure face-to-face interactions on mt rainier
oh and just to mention too, i don't know is it like today's some sort of friendship day or something. cos FOUR other yet-to-be-named friends came to initiate convos with me! i mean on normal days i rarely get smses or convos initiated. and these 4 were all out of no reason but just to have a chat (: how niceee. actually pg was bored at work. haha. then dodo was watching soccer online. then gr and sj.
Okays this is the final in a series of articles I've gotten from Marc's blog on Tuesday. Shan't be spending work hours looking for such articles again. I've got to start on other proper learnings like building my flavour knowledge using Leffingwell (I only have till tomorrow left! :S:S 3 months has past...!) and reading journal articles..! :/ jiayousss fenella!!! Build up the motivation!! Stay focussed!!
And as with all of Marc's other articles, I love these advices (: ________________________
June 29th, 2009 @ 2:06 am by: Marc
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,but anyone can start today and make a new ending.- Maria Robinson Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just a figment of the imagination. So if you think about it, today is the only day you’re alive. Today is the day that matters the most.
Here’s how to make it memorable:
Try something totally new. – Variety truly is the spice of life. You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once. As a result, first time experiences usually leave a reflective mark in our minds for the rest of our lives. So spice it up!
Entertain yourself with real-world experiences. – Great memories are the product of interesting life experiences. So turn off the television (or the computer) and get outdoors. Interact with the world, appreciate nature, take notice of
the simple pleasures life has to offer, and just watch as life unfolds in front of you.
Work on something that’s meaningful to you. – Engage yourself in a meaningful personal project. Or pull the trigger on doing something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t yet had the resolve to do. Life is short. Today is the day to take action.
Challenge your mind and body. – Learn a new skill. Be creative. Build something from the ground up, no matter how small. Run farther than you’ve ever run before. Push yourself to the limits!
Concentrate on less, but give it your best. – Slow down. Pay close attention to what you’re doing. Don’t waste time juggling forgettable tasks. Instead, concentrate on a few things that really matter. Engage fully in this day.
Say “yes” to a spontaneous opportunity. – Everything in life can’t be planned. Some of the greatest opportunities will knock on your door when you least expect them to. Be flexible, be spontaneous, and just say “yes.”
Complete an important piece of unfinished business. – Today is a perfect day to finish what you started. Few feelings are more satisfying than the one you get after an old burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
Document your day. – Take lots of pictures. Keep a journal. Document your day so you can review it some other day. Many moons from now, these old photos and journal entries will ignite your recollection of great memories from the past.
Smile, be positive, and notice what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.
Be authentic. Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else.” Live by this statement. There is no such thing as living a good day in someone else’s shoes. The only shoes you can occupy are your own. If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living… you’re merely existing. And no day spent in a phony state of mere existence will ever be memorable or worthwhile.
Actively assist someone in need. – In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience. One you’ll likely remember forever.
Share time with a good friend and experience life together. – Pink Floyd once said, “The memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime.” There are few things more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
Make a new friend. – People are interesting creatures, and no two people are exactly alike. So meet someone new today. Find out what makes them tick. They’ll likely open your eyes to fascinating ideas and perspectives. And you never know, they just might change your life.
Do something fun and laugh your ass off. – Some of the most memorable moments in your life will be moments spent in laughter.
Be present. Be here now. – I purposely left this bullet for last because it perfectly encompasses all of my previous points. – Don’t let your life slip by. Instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future, just practice being and living in the ‘now.’ Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.
And I leave you with this to think about:
We all agree that life is short. Sooo…
Why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
"notice what's right" - ah a huge problem with me is that i tend to notice what's wrong more. :S okayss i shall try to actively change this overcritical behaviour...
and i agree very much with "actively assist someone in need" cos i love to do that!
As daily commitments multiply, we find ourselves becoming conditioned to shifting between multiple tasks, creating lengthy to-do lists and juggling complicated schedules. When we’re not overwhelmed, we may feel proud that we can keep up with it all. It’s all part of making a living, but in the end it can stand in the way of making a life.
Does your schedule leave you time for things that bring true happiness?
These things vary for each of us, but for most people true happiness consists of spending time with loved ones and engaging in activities that reveal the richness and beauty of the world around us.
To get the most out of these activities, you must approach them from a place of stillness, peace and calm.
A busy life can be personally fulfilling, but it may leave you feeling too frazzled to achieve the stillness and peace that will allow you to connect with deep happiness and the underlying beauty of life. You can’t just walk away from the responsibilities that fracture your time, but you can simplify your life so that your mind is calmer and more open to the hidden treasures in life.
Here are 7 ways to get started with simplifying your life and working towards a more peaceful state of mind.
Question your dependence on material possessions. Recognize the difference between things you need and things you want. Our culture bombards us with messages about material things that will make our lives better. The reality is that most of these things will clutter our lives without bringing true happiness. Free yourself from the culture of excess and learn to be content with fewer possessions and greater simplicity.
Think for yourself. If you spend your life playing out a role that society or someone else defines, you’re missing out on the chance to follow your own desires. Your inner life is diminished when you are limited by conformity. Why give up your freedom and allow all of your decisions to be defined by what you think you “should” do? Become a non-conformist and think for yourself, letting your passions be your guide.
Rethink your commitments. Life is full of opportunities to earn money, give service, learn new skills and make new friends. Some of us want it all and fill up our calendars with activities and obligations. Over-committing is the surest way to banish stillness and calm from your life. Rushing from one activity to another leaves you with no time to slow down, observe and let things happen.No matter how worthy you think your commitments are, rethink and prioritize them.Keep the ones that are most important and eliminate the ones that are adding to the hectic pace of your life with little return.
Create more free time. Once you’ve balanced your commitments, find ways to increase your free time. Eliminate time wasters and re-evaluate your chores. If you spend hours each week cleaning house, see if you can do a little less and have more free time. Eliminating clutter from your home will make it easier to clean. Once you’ve created more free time, fill it with activities that develop your inner self.Spend some time alone and spend some with the people you care about most. Focus on calming activities.
Savor the simple pleasures. How often do you prepare a healthy and delicious meal and then savor every bite of it? Instead of rushing through meals, barely tasting what you’re eating, take time to enjoy them. Invest time in other simple pleasures – work in your garden, take a relaxing soak in a hot tub or bath, bike or hike through a nature preserve. Unless you’re retired, you probably can’t do these things every day, but fitting them into your schedule even once or twice a week will have a calming effect on your life.
Focus on the present moment. When you’re over-committed, you can end up rushing from one thing to the next without enjoying or even being very conscious of the world around you. There’s always the hope that when things slow down you’ll have time to enjoy life. Maybe you look forward to the weekend or an annual vacation, thinking that you’ll be able to find a way to slow down. Instead of looking to the future, learn to focus on the present moment. Enjoy what you’re doing in the here and now. You can find serenity in even the most mundane task if you really give it your attention and do it mindfully.
Give up some control. No matter how much we plan, we can never predict what the future will bring. Trying to exercise too much control can just lead to frustration, in addition to frustrating the people around you. Since you never know what the future will bring, it’s futile to try to control events. Instead of attempting to control the outcome of events, learn to relax and enjoy the journey. Letting go of the need to control will give you more freedom to live in the moment. By planning less, you’ll be more open to unforeseen opportunities that come your way.This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still have goals, but that your focus shifts from the ends to the means.
Remember that simplicity is a process, not a destination.
For most of us, there is no escaping the inherent complexity of our lives. However, by deciding to simplify your life and spend more time seeking true happiness, you’ve started on a road that can lead to profound changes in your life.
There is no final destination at the end of this road.
Because life is forever changing and evolving, and you are evolving along with it, you will never reach a point of perfect simplicity and endless happiness. But each moment you spend on the path to simplicity does have the potential to bring more serenity and happiness into your life.
“If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap. If you want happiness for a day – go fishing. If you want happiness for a month – get married. If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else.” – Chinese Proverb
Last night I saw Donny at a house party near the beach. He was wearing an Armani sports jacket and loafers while the rest of us wore shorts and sandals. I thought his choice of apparel was interesting, because back when we lived together he didn’t even own a sports jacket or loafers.
He also brought two bottles of Cristal (really expensive champagne) to the party. It was the first time I’d ever seen Cristal – outside of hip-hop music videos. Actually, the closest I’d come to seeing it was on my first date with Angel several years ago. After a nice dinner, I ran to the liquor store, bought a bottle of Cristalino (a cheap sparkling wine), cut the ‘ino’ off the label, and tried to make her laugh.
“Inventive,” she said, “Just not too smooth.”
But this was the real thing. And several party goers circled around Donny hoping to grab a glass before it was gone. “Just like old times, man,” Sam said to me. “Donny is still the life of the party!”
Still So Crazy
After the two bottles were gone, and people were again drinking Keystone Light (a cheap beer), I stood on the patio with Donny, Sam, and Chad – my old college buddies.
“Do you remember that time when Donny got drunk and broke every lamp in our dorm?” Sam asked. “We spent three whole nights studying and eating by candlelight until he bought us those ugly Victorian lamps he found at a garage sale.”
Sam, Chad and I laughed at the recollection. Back then, it was normal for Donny to spontaneously smash little things (like beer cans and plastic cups) when he was drunk. But that night he went on a rampage. And we owned a set of gaudy Victorian lamps for the next two years to prove it.
Donny shook his head disapprovingly. “Come on guys, not in front of my girlfriend,” he said, directing us with his eyes to the girl on his arm. “I’ve moved on. Respect me for that.”
I looked at the girl gripping Donny’s arm. Though she’d been with him all night, I hadn’t really noticed her, and she hadn’t said a word. I looked at Donny and smiled, but I didn’t know what to say. Sam and Chad were smiling too, but they didn’t know what to say either. Luckily, Donny broke the awkward silence. “Why don’t I get another bottle of Cristal out of the car,” he said. “Ya know… for old times sake.”
“Yeah man, yeah!” Sam said. “You’re still so crazy!”
Nostalgia and Negation
When I got home last night I stayed up and thought about what happens to us as time passes. We change. And as we change, we grow and move toward new people and experiences, and we make decisions and judgments about the people and experiences that we move away from.
We typically either choose to engage and move closer (nostalgia), or we choose to disengage and move farther away (negation). Nostalgia isn’t good because we’re holding onto what’s no longer there.But negation isn’t good either because we’re pretending that what was once there never existed.
When we’re too close to something (nostalgia), we can’t see clearly. Sometimes we even see things that aren’t there at all. For example, Sam wanted to know Donny as he remembered him – a crazy party animal. But the bottles of Cristal didn’t make Donny crazy, they made him high-priced. Donny had long since stopped being the party animal we all knew in college.
When we’re too far away from something (negation), we can’t see it at all. And we begin to lose a part of ourselves that can be a source of great happiness, understanding and direction. For example, Donny had lots of good friends and experiences from his college years, and his girlfriend would have loved to share in them with him. I know this because she told me before I left the party last night.
Clarity
Clarity comes, I think, in being able to recognize the perils of both nostalgia and negation. It’s simply about appreciating the past without trying to relive it, learning from the past without running away from it, and seeing people and experiences as they are in this moment – sometimes happy, sometimes sad, never perfect, always a one of a kind.
... I began imagining all of the things I wish someone had told me when I was 18.
Then I took it a step further and thought about all the things I would love to tell myself if I could travel back in time to give my 18-year-old self some advice about life.
So after a few cups of coffee and a couple hours of deliberation, here are 18 things I wish someone told me when I was 18:
Commit yourself to making lots of mistakes. – Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
Find hard work you love doing. – If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice on other people’s ideas, goals and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.You are simply the product of what you know.The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life.
Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is not living.
When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in diverse directions. So narrow your focus on learning fewer career related skills and master them all.
People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking. – People will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute girl you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it; she hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given her the time of day either. In life, you have to communicate with others. And often, you have to open your vocal chords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
Make swift decisions and take immediate action. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities, or someone else will first. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it. Remember, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter. When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And, at times, they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, ten years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.
Talk to lots of people in college and early on in your career. – Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I left my first two employers by choice on good terms), but I only interviewed with the first employer. The other two employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball for the duration of your career.
Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day. – Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out the next logical, productive step in your life.
Ask lots of questions. – The greatest ‘adventure’ is the ability to inquire, to ask questions. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself. These answers will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions is the answer.
Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.
Be respectful of others and make them feel good. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right. Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
Be who you were born to be. – You must follow your heart, and be who you were born to be. Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings with the strings of a guitar. Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose. Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish. And still, some of us were born to be or do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. You better be born to do it! Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride.
Have Read
'04 year-end holidays (highest number of books read in a long time)
-The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (gd read)
-Princess Diaries: Third Time Lucky by Meg Cabot (fun read)
-Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom (must read - inspirational)
-Slab Rat by Ted Heller (full of office politics and R21 stuff - not for kids)
-The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (makes u want to finish it)
-A walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks (simple but meaningful)
-The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark (can identify with)
-The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (romantic love story with too much R21 stuff)
-Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks (even more R21. ugh)
-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
-Unstrung Heroes by Franz Lidz (autobiography about his four uncles and father)
-The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks
-The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (very unique POV of an autistic boy)
-The Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (love the breadth of the plot, one of my favourites)
-Wild Orchids by Jude Deveraux (alternating between two first persons' view - unique, but don't like e plot)
-Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (philosophy tb in a story; gets abit dry though plot saved)
-forgot what i read...-
-Working Wonders by Jenny Colgan (story of an urban planner)
-Angels and Demons by Dan Brown (impressive intelligence with bits of great humour)
-Just between Us by Cathy Kelly (thickest bk i've ever read-600+pg, too long for me but not bad)
ha, started a few bks but didn't enjoy them enough to read more.
'06
-Life of Pi by Yann Martel (novel based on true story; a lot to learn from the book - animals, religions,
survival, appreciation of simplicity; marvelous descriptions of both the tangible and the intangible,
such that I could feel their realness; bits of very enjoyable humour; a must read)
-The Complete Analects of Confucius, Volume 1 - Asiapac Comic Series (some good teachings.
didn't read everything though)
-The Parable of the Pipeline by Burke Hedges (lent to me by Shujun; like she said, its a short version
of Rich Dad Poor Dad - good financial tips)
-The Alchemist by Paul Coelho (simple story with deep meaning)
-Fish! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results
(hai, doesn't seem to be working for me - cos im not applying..)
-haven't been updating from Jun'06 to Jul'07-
'07
-Take a Chance by Sarah Webb (very interesting twist towards the end)
'08
-A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer (very saddening. made me realise how significant family is in how a child behaves)
-Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite by Paul Arden (refreshing book with many pics)
-The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Rui Zafon (amazing how people can think of so much plot to pack into one book, wld b a gd tv series)
-The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (the story is interesting but i think the ending cld hv been better written)
-This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes (a bit thought-provoking on relationships but i didnt like e abrupt ending)
-Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner (gd knowledge but partly qte repetitive)
-For One More Day by Mitch Albom
-The C Words by Mark Mason (made me keep wanting to read on. light & funny)
'09
-Return to Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (another good read from Deveraux)
-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (gosh such vivid descriptions! very well written book. i liked d theme of friendship and the realness of the story)
'10
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (a must-read!! i love the expressed thoughts of the protagonist, esp those about friendships, and the writing style - it seems like she's telling me her story specifically to me)
How to Save Your Own Life by Michael Gates Gill (an inspiring read, for emotional liberation and greater joy in life)
Reading
on hold
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
Waiting for chance to get hold of
The Little White Car by Danuta de Rhodes
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon or The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
My Left Foot by Christy Brown
Gotai Fumanzoku or An Unsatisfactory Body (Translated into English as No One's Perfect) by Hirotada Otatake
Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
Other Recommended Readings by Marc
The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin – Few books have had as significant an impact on the way society views the natural world and the genesis of humankind.
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell – Gladwell looks at how a small idea, or product concept, can spread like a virus and spark global sociological changes. Specifically, he analyzes “the levels at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.”
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens – This is a tale that lingers on the topic of attaining and maintaining a disciplined heart as it relates to one’s emotional and moral life. Dickens states that we must learn to go against “the first mistaken impulse of the undisciplined heart.”
Lolita – This is the kind of book that blows your mind wide open to conflicting feelings of life, love and corruption… and at times makes you deeply question your own perceptions of each. The story is as devious as it is beautiful.
Getting Things Done by David Allen – The quintessential guide to organizing your life and getting things done. Nuff said.
How To Cook Everything by Mark Bittman – 900 pages of simple instructions on how to cook everything you could ever dream of eating. Pretty much the greatest cookbook ever written. Get through a few recipes each week, and you’ll be a master chef by the time you’re 30.
Honeymoon with My Brother by Franz Wisner – Franz Wisner had it all… a great job and a beautiful fiancée. Life was good. But then his fiancée dumped him days before their wedding, and his boss basically fired him. So he dragged his younger brother to Costa Rica for his already-scheduled honeymoon and they never turned back… around the world they went for two full years. This is a fun, heartfelt adventure story about life, relationships, and self discovery.
Self-note: Tip for my future business =D
give employees reasonably high pay to keep them- otherwise they are unlikely to stay loyal.
treat employees not according to how well they treat me but how conscientious they are at work
(of course, musn't expect them to only do work throughout the entire working hours -
give some breathing space too, we are humans, not machines) Movies watched(listing started on 6jan08)
in cinema from VCD/DVD
1Sep07: "Hairspray" w TK, GH & SH
14Sep07: "Ratatouille" w mom & extended family
28Dec07: "The Pianist" w Jus & Pam (heartbreaking but good lessons; i recommend!)
2Jan08: "I Am Legend" w Sherm (scary! but good acting; thought provoking; i recommend!)
5-6Jan08: "A Good Year" alone (excellent show! i like the acting; funny; good lessons; touches my heart; i recommend!)
11Jan08: "Le Grand Chef" w WLing, JT & Irene (good! funny, very touching, :) nice; watch if like humour+meaning+food)
7Feb08 (CNY 初一): "Ah Long Pte Ltd" w parents (pretty hilarious - but u gotta understand dialects, some teary parts. wells typical of jack neo movies but with diff content)
11Mar08: "The Leap Year" w Sherm (so sweet! :) and apart from couple relationship it touches the theme of mother-daughter and best friends too)
6Jun08: "P.S. I Love You" w Sherm (don't know if its coz we watched it on laptop, coz it didn't impress me as much as it did for him in cinema)
8Jun08: "The Forbidden Kingdom" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (ums..guess i'm really not into kungfu)
8Jun08: "What Happens in Vegas" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (simple,relaxing show)
7Jul08: "我和狗狗的10个约定" w Sherm, his ma & sisters (very simple,touching but actually not my type of show)
10Jul08: "Before Sunrise" w Sherm (hmm maybe watchg on laptop really affects appreciatn of movies..)
30Sep08: "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" w Sherm (i didn't like it as much as i thought i wld when i saw the ads)
31Dec08: "Yes Man" w Mom (inspiring and funny)
11Feb08: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" w Mom (not as impressive as i thought it wld be)
1Jul09: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" w Yumei, YY & Matt (the best thing was the soundtrack. heh.)
14Aug09: "GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra" w Joyce (it was awesome! best action movie i've ever watched)
17Aug09: "Food, Inc." w SYL & RuiQ (learnt some stuff abt the American food industry but it was a bit boring and not worth the $10)
22Sep09: "The Time Traveller's Wife" w WB, VanD, WLing, CHL, Irene, VanQ, Mf, Pg (i liked it. having read the book really helps w udsg)
21Nov09: "Gokusen" w Mf, Eva, Tony, Sarah (funny inspirational movie)
24Dec09: "十月围城" w Tony, WLing, VanQ (action action and a bit funny? tony criticised the plot. my fav scene was the running n jumping through the crowd along the five-foot ways w/o cuts)
30Dec09: "Sherlock Holmes" w Irene, Tony, Sweetee (my favourite genre of books made into a movie - what else can be more cool? acting effects humour excitement suspense all in)
12Jan10: "Avatar 3D" w Mom (didn't appreciate the digital effects which everyone wowed about. content etc was so-so. cathay's 3D glasses were too heavy for me)
8Feb10: "The Truman Show" w Ky n sis n Yuhshin (a must-watch. very thought-provoking, funny. reminder to be spontaneous and create your life the way you want, instead of falling into a typical routine
14Feb10: "New York, I Love You" w Mom (I loved it! a good couple movie with meaningful pointers to keep it going. but i think some stories could be more developed)
16Feb10: rewatched "The Pianist" (still find it good, tho i still feel first viewings are the best)
17Feb10: "Valentine's Day" w CHL n WB (laughed throughout - a feel-good movie; liked the fact that the various stories binded tog so well with the little surprises here and there, vs NY ILU in which each story was separate)
20Feb10: "赤壁二" w Addy, Karen, Sharon, SJ (should have watched the first one first cos i ended up not knowing who's who and what's happening and had to keep asking :/ and couldn't pay attn.. if not i think it should be a pretty good movie..)
4Mar10: "Alice in Wonderland 3D" w Mf (i found the 3D effects of this @ CCK Shaw SO much better than Avatar @ The Cathay =/ and the movie was much more enjoyable too! - cheered a sad me up :)) favourite quote - the Mad Hatter: “You used to be much muchier before. ... You have lost your muchness.”)
18Mar10: "Nodame Cantabile" w Irene, Mf (i thoroughly enjoyed some of the orchestra pieces - SO impressive! the expressions of the actors were really amusing :D)
23Apr10: "Ice Kacang Puppy Love" w Mom (funny, touching and meaningful - about love between friends and family. i cried 3 tissues! cos some touching parts i could really understand the feelings of the characters involved)
Inception
Letters to God (very simple Christian movie)
22Nov10: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" w Ame, Irene (they loved it. pretty good, i guess the main problem i had was that im not familiar with HP :X)
13Dec10: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" w Sj (not bad, could follow the story unlike HP. like the meaningful teachings, too long - in a post)
2Mar11: "The King's Speech" w Ame (hilarious, inspirational, tho it doesn't impress me that much to understand why it's the Oscar winner)
Mar11: "10 Things I Hate About You" very funny. silly sweet high school romance. just right for having breaks in between doing homework
23May11: "Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides" w Wb Yl Ame Pg (pretty good - scenery, freakish parts, fighting scenes, dressing, humour, bits of Christianity like when the Spanish said "only God gives life")
6Jun11: "Xmen First Class" w Wb Ame Pg (i was very keen on watching it and it was really good! intellectual, makes sense, cool action, some humour)
9Jun11: "Legally Blonde 2" w Irene (seems like some dumb blonde movie but kind of meaningful too - speaking up for yourself and what you stand for)
17Jun11: "Something Borrowed" w Sandy Lisa (quite funny, somewhat meaningful wrt friendships. they didn't like the lack of sense for one part tho)
16Jul11: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" w Irene, Sweetee, Kw (not bad. i didn't understand some parts again but the humour and effects were pretty good)
Aug11 "Horrible Bosses" w Ma (she fell asleep! gosh. the movie was very crude i must say but there was the humour)
25Oct11: "The Three Musketeers" w H (i would rate it 3.5 for humour/intellectual language and 4 for action. it's by the same producer or director as Sherlock! but a bit less awesome albeit a good chill out movie)
5Nov11: "Real Steel" w Hl (action packed but not too hardcore for me. i liked that there was the father and son element and how the father eventually softened his heart and especially the part when charlie was having trouble telling max sth and max was so understanding saying "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." touching and demonstrates true fighting spirit)
12Dec11: "50/50" w L (adopting her words - a heavy topic put across in a lighthearted way, but not taking away d meaning. most of it was rather hollywood-ish trashiness but there were a couple of punch lines "u can't change ur parents, but u can change d way u respond to them.")
25Dec11: "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol" w KY (ultimate action packed! super tense almost throughout the movie, and interesting Tom Cruise made it such that not everything happened smoothly - he would jump and misland and get all sorts of injuries..it's really the courage to jump without hesitation even though you are not sure you'll be alive after that. KY loved d movie and said she would watch it again!)
3Jan12: "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" w KY (i love mystery (: and the witty sarcastic dialogues. good level of excitement with the action. didn't understand some parts as usual. i like Holmes and Watson they depict such a true pair of buddies ;D)
23Jan12: "You are the Apple of My Eye" w mom (now i understand why guys like this movie so much - the anxiety of chasing after a girl and the acts schoolboys do to get the girl's attention and hopefully affection. the initial fluttering and the subsequent quarrelling)
22Mar12: "The Iron Lady" w KY (really love Thatcher's sharp words. inspiring and thought-provoking, tho i was still left uncertain of what to do with my life, the movie is definitely an encouraging one)
29Mar12: "Barney's Version" w SJ (a funny movie of a screwed up life of a man who had 3 wives, smoked and drank but very heartwarming at the same time, the relationships with the dad and the 3th wife - quotable quotes!)
27Apr12: "The Hunger Games" w Mom
4May12" "Avengers" w MF n PS (funny, action-packed)
7Jul12: "The Amazing Spiderman"
21Jul12: "The Dark Knight Rises" (fantastic depth, loved the twists)
20Aug12: "ParaNorman" w Mom (simple funny animated movie, heartwarming support)
Performances watched (listing started on 25Apr10)
20Jan10: Patrick Marber's Closer by outoftheBLUE, NUS Science w Pam (
13Mar10: The Rain Came Down Like Pearls the Night I Died... The New Musical - Sing & Tell by Mark Chan w Addy & Jy
21Mar10: Quintessence by NUSCO w CHL