i think many of us don't appreciate how great our moms are. we get too blinded by the little disagreements or arguments we have with them, and take their strengths and what they do for us for granted. Simply because they have been doing those things for us the past years, we don't realise how so much they have sacrificed for us, we don't realise how so much they love us, we don't appreciate all that as much as we should, or as we actually show gratitude for to a stranger who for example just served us for a piece of outfit cos of the money she gets.
I'm impressed that the Town Council cleaners are taught to clear the rubbish for wakes. I was sitting here at my grandma's void deck on my work laptop at 6plus in the morning and the cleaners came by sweeping the floor and one started to near the table of stash of peanuts sweets melon seeds and other essentials like tissue paper etc. My suspicions were arisen but he just fiddled with the bag of trash and then released the pegs by which the bag was attached to the table and took the trash away. A while later I heard two of them clearing the huge black bins.
Your last login as a member was on 10 Jul 2007 at 11:59 PM (Singapore Time).
haha a random post. im doing homework for the finance course weilin has started and logged in to my CPF account to check and this was something from there.
This past week my parents have been away in China so the responsibility of taking care of my grandma has fallen into me and my brother's hands. He's in charge of the mornings (medication and breakfast/lunch), where I am out to work early, and I'm in charge of the nights (medication, dinner and taking out the trash), where he is still not yet home from work late.
There amount of food I have thrown away this week alone:
- a whole packet of ngoh hiang that can feed 4 people that has been in the fridge for 2 days
- 3 thick slices of layered kueh that has been in the fridge for 5 days and out for 2 days
- a third bowl of wanton noodles that has been on the table for the day
- half the portion of homecooked food (serving size already halved) that has been on the table overnight
- and whatever else I can't remember for now.
Last Wed when I reached her place with dinner from my paternal grandma, she was on the floor by her sofa and there were a few sticks of incense at the door, which was open. The wheelchair was near the door. She had fallen. She was wanting to get up on the sofa on her own but her arms were too weak for her to lift herself up. She wanted to called me. Thank God I had turned up just in time. Thank God she hadn't hurt herself.
For the first 5 or 6 days every day when I'm over, my grandma asks where my mom is, and comments that she actually dares to leave me alone at home. Finally on Sunday she gave my mom two missed calls. My mom messaged me while I was in the service saying my grandma probably needs cigarettes and by the time I messaged my bro who called and checked that my grandma has called for fun and I replied my mom, it was about half an hour later and my mom had already returned the call, I would think out of worry that my grandma had fallen again.
She stopped asking where my mom is. She could finally retain and recall the fact that my mom is in China and she started asking if my mom's back.
Every time I would wash up her dishes from the morning or previous night, she would call out in that instructive tone telling me to leave it for her to wash. The sink is above her shoulders when she's seated in her wheelchair.
Today I was very surprised to find a plate of beehoon with a strong sour stench. And even more surprised to find the plate cold. I asked her if my brother just bought it this morning, why is it cold. She said she can't remember. That's another plate of food I have thrown away in just the past week alone.
Today she was still in the very same clothes she had been wearing since last Monday. My mom has specifically reminded me by sms when she was already in China to get my grandma to change. I asked her to on Thu. She said she'll do it "tomorrow". Again Friday she didn't. It was late by the time I was back so I didn't instead. Sat, her sister was there. Sunday I told her again. Again she said "tomorrow". I said she has been lying to me! It has already been a few days and yet she still hadn't changed! I tried to give her the clothes but she still refused.
Today, I tried again. More persuasions. She just refused.
There's this very bad looking wound half a palm size at the back of her right leg below the calves. She blames it on the wheelchair every time we're over. I don't know how it has gotten to that stage of such a huge raw patch. It doesn't seem to be getting better. The first time I saw it a few weeks back I was shocked my mom hasn't brought her to the doctor's. She had refused. After several tries my mom finally managed to get her out. The doctor's verdict was that it was okay. It still looks freaky to me. The first time I saw it it made my heart tight that her feet were in such state. Swollen. Multiple wound marks here and there. I thought of the times when I went shopping for shoes and found the feet of others prettier than mine to look nice in any shoe. I looked at my grandma's feet and I didn't dare compare with mine.
The first few days, I was so exhausted coming back from full days of course and getting food for my grandma then coming home to do work/homework. It was emotionally draining too. The next few days I kind of got emotionally stronger from the exhaustion at night even with coming back later after cells. Towards the last few days it seemed completely alright. Though if there were a choice I still wouldn't want to have this daily responsibility over the long term.
I don't know how my mom has taken care of my grandma every day these past years. The tolerance, the patience, the perseverance. Regardless of the hurtful things my grandma used to say to my mom some times. How she "took her money away", when my mom has been paying for her flat, her medical bills, her cigarettes. ($10 a day for 10 years is $36500 on cigarettes alone.) How my mom didn't want to give her a thousand bucks or two. (She doesn't go out on her own at all.)
Millions of twentysomethings have “day jobs” while they’re getting college degrees or engaging in other creative pursuits. It’s one thing to wait tables at night and go on auditions during the day, but it’s another thing to work a full-time job doing something you’re completely uninterested in. Even though you may feel that these jobs have nothing to teach you, they can actually impart vital lessons in how to self-motivate, how to develop and maintain a positive attitude, and how to develop skills you may not have training for. Who knows—you may even discover interests or aptitudes you hadn’t considered yet. What’s more, these positions can provide valuable perspective for later positions. When you’ve had the wrong job, you’re more likely to appreciate and treasure the right job when it comes along.
There are a fortunate few who have never had a job that required them to get dirty, to listen to a complaining customer, or to do menial, messy work. Who would disagree that the world would be a cleaner, happier, more understanding place if everyone were forced to wait tables for a year? The experience of having a wide variety of jobs isn’t just about learning to work a cash register or an espresso machine—it’s about learning to be a kind, compassionate person who can show empathy and restraint. In other words, someone who straightens piles of shirts as she browses clothing stores, and someone who always gives the barista a friendly smile. Because she knows how it feels.
Disillusioned? i wanted to title this disillusioned. but i wasn't sure what it meant.
i really don't know what to do with my life. weilin said - set goals. set goals and you know know what you want and what to strive towards. i feel so lost with all my inadequacies. extreme inadequacies. i know rely on Him and He will make our paths right. head knowledge. heart knowledge. i think i miss GDIC. so soon i feel i'm already slipping away.
just even such a crappy friend i was. low EQ? yea you were so right. i prayed for Your help. but i sucked. yes i did. even after all these while i still sucked.
and i realise i don't know the difference between not caring enough about issues at hand and submitting my concerns to You.
Have Read
'04 year-end holidays (highest number of books read in a long time)
-The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (gd read)
-Princess Diaries: Third Time Lucky by Meg Cabot (fun read)
-Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom (must read - inspirational)
-Slab Rat by Ted Heller (full of office politics and R21 stuff - not for kids)
-The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (makes u want to finish it)
-A walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks (simple but meaningful)
-The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark (can identify with)
-The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (romantic love story with too much R21 stuff)
-Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks (even more R21. ugh)
-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
-Unstrung Heroes by Franz Lidz (autobiography about his four uncles and father)
-The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks
-The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (very unique POV of an autistic boy)
-The Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (love the breadth of the plot, one of my favourites)
-Wild Orchids by Jude Deveraux (alternating between two first persons' view - unique, but don't like e plot)
-Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (philosophy tb in a story; gets abit dry though plot saved)
-forgot what i read...-
-Working Wonders by Jenny Colgan (story of an urban planner)
-Angels and Demons by Dan Brown (impressive intelligence with bits of great humour)
-Just between Us by Cathy Kelly (thickest bk i've ever read-600+pg, too long for me but not bad)
ha, started a few bks but didn't enjoy them enough to read more.
'06
-Life of Pi by Yann Martel (novel based on true story; a lot to learn from the book - animals, religions,
survival, appreciation of simplicity; marvelous descriptions of both the tangible and the intangible,
such that I could feel their realness; bits of very enjoyable humour; a must read)
-The Complete Analects of Confucius, Volume 1 - Asiapac Comic Series (some good teachings.
didn't read everything though)
-The Parable of the Pipeline by Burke Hedges (lent to me by Shujun; like she said, its a short version
of Rich Dad Poor Dad - good financial tips)
-The Alchemist by Paul Coelho (simple story with deep meaning)
-Fish! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results
(hai, doesn't seem to be working for me - cos im not applying..)
-haven't been updating from Jun'06 to Jul'07-
'07
-Take a Chance by Sarah Webb (very interesting twist towards the end)
'08
-A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer (very saddening. made me realise how significant family is in how a child behaves)
-Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite by Paul Arden (refreshing book with many pics)
-The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Rui Zafon (amazing how people can think of so much plot to pack into one book, wld b a gd tv series)
-The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (the story is interesting but i think the ending cld hv been better written)
-This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes (a bit thought-provoking on relationships but i didnt like e abrupt ending)
-Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner (gd knowledge but partly qte repetitive)
-For One More Day by Mitch Albom
-The C Words by Mark Mason (made me keep wanting to read on. light & funny)
'09
-Return to Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (another good read from Deveraux)
-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (gosh such vivid descriptions! very well written book. i liked d theme of friendship and the realness of the story)
'10
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (a must-read!! i love the expressed thoughts of the protagonist, esp those about friendships, and the writing style - it seems like she's telling me her story specifically to me)
How to Save Your Own Life by Michael Gates Gill (an inspiring read, for emotional liberation and greater joy in life)
Reading
on hold
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
Waiting for chance to get hold of
The Little White Car by Danuta de Rhodes
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon or The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
My Left Foot by Christy Brown
Gotai Fumanzoku or An Unsatisfactory Body (Translated into English as No One's Perfect) by Hirotada Otatake
Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
Other Recommended Readings by Marc
The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin – Few books have had as significant an impact on the way society views the natural world and the genesis of humankind.
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell – Gladwell looks at how a small idea, or product concept, can spread like a virus and spark global sociological changes. Specifically, he analyzes “the levels at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.”
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens – This is a tale that lingers on the topic of attaining and maintaining a disciplined heart as it relates to one’s emotional and moral life. Dickens states that we must learn to go against “the first mistaken impulse of the undisciplined heart.”
Lolita – This is the kind of book that blows your mind wide open to conflicting feelings of life, love and corruption… and at times makes you deeply question your own perceptions of each. The story is as devious as it is beautiful.
Getting Things Done by David Allen – The quintessential guide to organizing your life and getting things done. Nuff said.
How To Cook Everything by Mark Bittman – 900 pages of simple instructions on how to cook everything you could ever dream of eating. Pretty much the greatest cookbook ever written. Get through a few recipes each week, and you’ll be a master chef by the time you’re 30.
Honeymoon with My Brother by Franz Wisner – Franz Wisner had it all… a great job and a beautiful fiancée. Life was good. But then his fiancée dumped him days before their wedding, and his boss basically fired him. So he dragged his younger brother to Costa Rica for his already-scheduled honeymoon and they never turned back… around the world they went for two full years. This is a fun, heartfelt adventure story about life, relationships, and self discovery.
Self-note: Tip for my future business =D
give employees reasonably high pay to keep them- otherwise they are unlikely to stay loyal.
treat employees not according to how well they treat me but how conscientious they are at work
(of course, musn't expect them to only do work throughout the entire working hours -
give some breathing space too, we are humans, not machines) Movies watched(listing started on 6jan08)
in cinema from VCD/DVD
1Sep07: "Hairspray" w TK, GH & SH
14Sep07: "Ratatouille" w mom & extended family
28Dec07: "The Pianist" w Jus & Pam (heartbreaking but good lessons; i recommend!)
2Jan08: "I Am Legend" w Sherm (scary! but good acting; thought provoking; i recommend!)
5-6Jan08: "A Good Year" alone (excellent show! i like the acting; funny; good lessons; touches my heart; i recommend!)
11Jan08: "Le Grand Chef" w WLing, JT & Irene (good! funny, very touching, :) nice; watch if like humour+meaning+food)
7Feb08 (CNY 初一): "Ah Long Pte Ltd" w parents (pretty hilarious - but u gotta understand dialects, some teary parts. wells typical of jack neo movies but with diff content)
11Mar08: "The Leap Year" w Sherm (so sweet! :) and apart from couple relationship it touches the theme of mother-daughter and best friends too)
6Jun08: "P.S. I Love You" w Sherm (don't know if its coz we watched it on laptop, coz it didn't impress me as much as it did for him in cinema)
8Jun08: "The Forbidden Kingdom" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (ums..guess i'm really not into kungfu)
8Jun08: "What Happens in Vegas" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (simple,relaxing show)
7Jul08: "我和狗狗的10个约定" w Sherm, his ma & sisters (very simple,touching but actually not my type of show)
10Jul08: "Before Sunrise" w Sherm (hmm maybe watchg on laptop really affects appreciatn of movies..)
30Sep08: "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" w Sherm (i didn't like it as much as i thought i wld when i saw the ads)
31Dec08: "Yes Man" w Mom (inspiring and funny)
11Feb08: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" w Mom (not as impressive as i thought it wld be)
1Jul09: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" w Yumei, YY & Matt (the best thing was the soundtrack. heh.)
14Aug09: "GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra" w Joyce (it was awesome! best action movie i've ever watched)
17Aug09: "Food, Inc." w SYL & RuiQ (learnt some stuff abt the American food industry but it was a bit boring and not worth the $10)
22Sep09: "The Time Traveller's Wife" w WB, VanD, WLing, CHL, Irene, VanQ, Mf, Pg (i liked it. having read the book really helps w udsg)
21Nov09: "Gokusen" w Mf, Eva, Tony, Sarah (funny inspirational movie)
24Dec09: "十月围城" w Tony, WLing, VanQ (action action and a bit funny? tony criticised the plot. my fav scene was the running n jumping through the crowd along the five-foot ways w/o cuts)
30Dec09: "Sherlock Holmes" w Irene, Tony, Sweetee (my favourite genre of books made into a movie - what else can be more cool? acting effects humour excitement suspense all in)
12Jan10: "Avatar 3D" w Mom (didn't appreciate the digital effects which everyone wowed about. content etc was so-so. cathay's 3D glasses were too heavy for me)
8Feb10: "The Truman Show" w Ky n sis n Yuhshin (a must-watch. very thought-provoking, funny. reminder to be spontaneous and create your life the way you want, instead of falling into a typical routine
14Feb10: "New York, I Love You" w Mom (I loved it! a good couple movie with meaningful pointers to keep it going. but i think some stories could be more developed)
16Feb10: rewatched "The Pianist" (still find it good, tho i still feel first viewings are the best)
17Feb10: "Valentine's Day" w CHL n WB (laughed throughout - a feel-good movie; liked the fact that the various stories binded tog so well with the little surprises here and there, vs NY ILU in which each story was separate)
20Feb10: "赤壁二" w Addy, Karen, Sharon, SJ (should have watched the first one first cos i ended up not knowing who's who and what's happening and had to keep asking :/ and couldn't pay attn.. if not i think it should be a pretty good movie..)
4Mar10: "Alice in Wonderland 3D" w Mf (i found the 3D effects of this @ CCK Shaw SO much better than Avatar @ The Cathay =/ and the movie was much more enjoyable too! - cheered a sad me up :)) favourite quote - the Mad Hatter: “You used to be much muchier before. ... You have lost your muchness.”)
18Mar10: "Nodame Cantabile" w Irene, Mf (i thoroughly enjoyed some of the orchestra pieces - SO impressive! the expressions of the actors were really amusing :D)
23Apr10: "Ice Kacang Puppy Love" w Mom (funny, touching and meaningful - about love between friends and family. i cried 3 tissues! cos some touching parts i could really understand the feelings of the characters involved)
Inception
Letters to God (very simple Christian movie)
22Nov10: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" w Ame, Irene (they loved it. pretty good, i guess the main problem i had was that im not familiar with HP :X)
13Dec10: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" w Sj (not bad, could follow the story unlike HP. like the meaningful teachings, too long - in a post)
2Mar11: "The King's Speech" w Ame (hilarious, inspirational, tho it doesn't impress me that much to understand why it's the Oscar winner)
Mar11: "10 Things I Hate About You" very funny. silly sweet high school romance. just right for having breaks in between doing homework
23May11: "Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides" w Wb Yl Ame Pg (pretty good - scenery, freakish parts, fighting scenes, dressing, humour, bits of Christianity like when the Spanish said "only God gives life")
6Jun11: "Xmen First Class" w Wb Ame Pg (i was very keen on watching it and it was really good! intellectual, makes sense, cool action, some humour)
9Jun11: "Legally Blonde 2" w Irene (seems like some dumb blonde movie but kind of meaningful too - speaking up for yourself and what you stand for)
17Jun11: "Something Borrowed" w Sandy Lisa (quite funny, somewhat meaningful wrt friendships. they didn't like the lack of sense for one part tho)
16Jul11: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" w Irene, Sweetee, Kw (not bad. i didn't understand some parts again but the humour and effects were pretty good)
Aug11 "Horrible Bosses" w Ma (she fell asleep! gosh. the movie was very crude i must say but there was the humour)
25Oct11: "The Three Musketeers" w H (i would rate it 3.5 for humour/intellectual language and 4 for action. it's by the same producer or director as Sherlock! but a bit less awesome albeit a good chill out movie)
5Nov11: "Real Steel" w Hl (action packed but not too hardcore for me. i liked that there was the father and son element and how the father eventually softened his heart and especially the part when charlie was having trouble telling max sth and max was so understanding saying "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." touching and demonstrates true fighting spirit)
12Dec11: "50/50" w L (adopting her words - a heavy topic put across in a lighthearted way, but not taking away d meaning. most of it was rather hollywood-ish trashiness but there were a couple of punch lines "u can't change ur parents, but u can change d way u respond to them.")
25Dec11: "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol" w KY (ultimate action packed! super tense almost throughout the movie, and interesting Tom Cruise made it such that not everything happened smoothly - he would jump and misland and get all sorts of injuries..it's really the courage to jump without hesitation even though you are not sure you'll be alive after that. KY loved d movie and said she would watch it again!)
3Jan12: "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" w KY (i love mystery (: and the witty sarcastic dialogues. good level of excitement with the action. didn't understand some parts as usual. i like Holmes and Watson they depict such a true pair of buddies ;D)
23Jan12: "You are the Apple of My Eye" w mom (now i understand why guys like this movie so much - the anxiety of chasing after a girl and the acts schoolboys do to get the girl's attention and hopefully affection. the initial fluttering and the subsequent quarrelling)
22Mar12: "The Iron Lady" w KY (really love Thatcher's sharp words. inspiring and thought-provoking, tho i was still left uncertain of what to do with my life, the movie is definitely an encouraging one)
29Mar12: "Barney's Version" w SJ (a funny movie of a screwed up life of a man who had 3 wives, smoked and drank but very heartwarming at the same time, the relationships with the dad and the 3th wife - quotable quotes!)
27Apr12: "The Hunger Games" w Mom
4May12" "Avengers" w MF n PS (funny, action-packed)
7Jul12: "The Amazing Spiderman"
21Jul12: "The Dark Knight Rises" (fantastic depth, loved the twists)
20Aug12: "ParaNorman" w Mom (simple funny animated movie, heartwarming support)
Performances watched (listing started on 25Apr10)
20Jan10: Patrick Marber's Closer by outoftheBLUE, NUS Science w Pam (
13Mar10: The Rain Came Down Like Pearls the Night I Died... The New Musical - Sing & Tell by Mark Chan w Addy & Jy
21Mar10: Quintessence by NUSCO w CHL